MOTHER OF ALL SEND-OFFS

On Mother's Day I got to perform my last child-less set (before I quasi-retire to take up nurturing full time) and it could not have been a more satisfying experience, if only to deliver some heart-felt "yo' mama" jokes. My thanks to all the guys who organize the Guerilla Comedy, which is held at the Calories Bistro in the West Island (Complexe Pointe Claire, the mall with Futrue Shop, Chapters, and other fine empires) every second Sunday at 8:00pm.

It's a cool room started by some comics and sustained by comics not to mention (based on last night) some nice audiences as well.

I hope people keep supporting the room. Not just customers, but comics, too. If any comedians around Montreal haven't jumped on yet, I encourage it. It's a fun stage to work and you'll be helping keep the show's talent pool fresh and bubbly.

That also goes for the Comedy Off the Main room every Wednesday night at Olivieria's, 213 Rachel Street East, at 9:30. Indie rooms like these help keep Montreal comedy a plucky little entity.

Thanks again to the Guerilla gang for a fun show. I will be telling my firstborn about it as soon as I cut that umbilical thingie attached to the beer gut.

RETIRING WITH CAKE

My unofficial official tentative not really but only in my mind retirement show is happening on Mother's Day at the Guerrilla Comedy Room at Calories West Island.

Sunday May 13th, 8:00 showtime, St. Jean exit off the 40 in a big honkin' complex with a Future Shop and a Chapters and stuff like that.

After this I'm going underground, waiting with anxious glee for the stork to do its dirty, dirty business. For this show I'll probably be trying lots of new stuff or recent new stuff and expect it to be a nice time. I've heard nothing but good things about the room (and they sell cake! comedy and sugar, why doesn't anyone else do that?).

All in all it's been a really fun career doing stand-up comedy but I won't miss it. Or at least, if I do, then I'll start doing it again. The red eyeballs will be from sleep deprivation. And they may look googly, repeat, googly.

LOOKING TOWARDS THE VERIZON

Just a little note that I have 4 bits that were performed at Just for Laughs that are currently available on your cell phone if you subscribe to Verizon Wireless. I have no idea which bits they are, but I'm sure they will be delightful for those times when you're enjoying an intimate dinner date, attending a live performance, or operating a dangerous motorized vehicle.

Enjoy!

MY MOM'S TWO FAVORITE COMEDIANS...

...are me and Darryl Lenox (she just said so on the phone).

Darryl's a great act whom I have not worked with in years, and I'm hosting for him this weekend (May 10-12) at:

Comedyworks; 1238 Bishop Street, Montreal, Quebec; 514-398-9601;
Thursday, 9:00 pm
Friday, 9:00 and 11:15 pm
Saturday, 9:00 and 11:15 pm

I'm pretty sure this'll be my last weekend before paternal leave, but I'm optimistic it'll be a good one.

Check it out!

CLOCK TICKING ON THE BOM

Last week I received a link to this year’s Mirror “Best of Montreal” (BOM) poll, and figured I may as well pass it on.

This is the first year I’ve been aware of the voting before the final tally came out (final deadline is midnight on May 11th).

Funnily enough, the “best stand-up comedian” entry is not in the “Arts” section but the “Nightlife” section. Apparently I’ve got more in common with a drag queen than a spoken word artist. Note to self: look into new wardrobe.

I also see that voters must weigh in on 25 categories, minimum. Which probably rules me out, ‘cause I don’t think I have that many opinions on anything, let alone one city. Indeed, I have become so insular of late, I can’t scrape up much opinion beyond “favorite pregnant girl”, “cuddliest dog”, “coziest dvd-viewing spot” and “best comic books not currently residing in my parents’ attic”. But that’s just me.

The rules also mention that suspicious entries will be rejected. On that basis I kindly suggest my dear friend and loyal fan virus@spamworm.y2k refrain from participating.

The rest of you, if you so desire, can find the poll here.

Beware of chads.

THE NEED TO SAVE FACE

I think it was my brother who, many years ago, found a button at a garage sale or someplace similar that cracked everyone up when he told them about it. It had a picture of the Fonz, most likely brandishing two thumbs up, with the caption, “Cool is Forever”. It was a really great example of unintentional irony, as Fonzie-as-cool-icon is fairly dripping with melted cheese in any modern context [Having said that, I would like to voice the opinion that actor Henry Winkler has definitely maintained his cool, as seen in his hilarious work on “Arrested Development”].

I recently joined Facebook, the latest “it” social network online. It’s got some interesting differences and similarities with Myspace, and I decided, ‘what the heck?’ ‘cause you can’t have too many forums for self-promotion and expression (although you can certainly have too many login id codes and passwords, but that’s another story).

Even though I was happy to join, I was disturbed when a fellow comic told me of how he experienced the extent to which Facebook is the hippest network out there. He had finished a show for a high school audience and was talking to fans after the show. He said that when he told them he was on Myspace, not Facebook, there was a palpable disappointment and subsequent lack of interest in him. This is one of the most up-to-date guys I know, and yet he said at that moment he had never felt so “uncool”.

I guess it’s a testament to how out of touch I continue to be that I still scratch my head at this sort of thing. Just ‘cause to me, getting judged by your choice of chatroom makes about as much sense as getting judged by your favorite brand of protractor. Can’t we just say we’re all nerds for using this stuff and leave it at that? We’re talking about computers, for crying out loud! Seems not long ago, admitting you made “friends” on the internet was met with a healthy heaping of ridicule and ostracism. Now it’s a badge of honour! Frankly, this whole cyber-hierarchy seems to bring in an element of clique-fueled popularity that makes me uncomfortable. If you’re the judgmental sort, turn off the computer and go outside. Find like-minded cool kids and engage in unsafe sex, gang violence, or just wedgie the first honor student you catch exiting the library. Leave the worldwide web for the socially inept and the sexually deviant to graze in peace, far from the fickle eyes of fashion-fascists and neo-trendoids.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to my Comic Buyers’ Guide Heroes Message Board. Someone posted that Captain Kirk would out-think Batman in a Kobayashi Moru scenario. What a loser.

Will I tear that nerf-herder a new sarlac? Correct-a-mundo!

A DAY OF BIRTH

No, no, not THAT day of birth. Michelle is still abundantly swollen with expectant babe.

I am referring to my OWN BIRTHDAY which was kicked off at midnight this evening following the Just for Laughs auditions at Jimbo's, which went quite splendidly.

My wondrous mom-to-be was a witness to the audition and hung out with me afterwards for a little over an hour. Then, after I escorted her on her way, I went back to Jimbo's and closed the joint for the first time in I don't know how many years (my most certain recollection is from the 2002 Just for Laughs audition when I hosted the crap out of it, closed the bar, then went home and watched a taped episode of Buffy: "Innocence", one of the best damn episodes ever, I watched it again the next day in a constant state of deja vu, on account of I was drunk when I watched it the first time; I should probably close the parentheses now). Anyway, I'm a bit buzzed right now, so I should probably stop typing. But I am extremely happy that life at 35 is as good as it is.

Thanks so much for the people who wished me a happy birthday as well as those who didn't know about this milestone, but were nice to me out of a sense of kindness and/or respect. Who knows which is more valuable.

I just ate some peanut sauce and chicken, so I should probably work on digesting same.

Oh yeah, I painted the second coat of the nursery today. How many reasons to celebrate can there be?

very best,

dp