THE NEED TO SAVE FACE

I think it was my brother who, many years ago, found a button at a garage sale or someplace similar that cracked everyone up when he told them about it. It had a picture of the Fonz, most likely brandishing two thumbs up, with the caption, “Cool is Forever”. It was a really great example of unintentional irony, as Fonzie-as-cool-icon is fairly dripping with melted cheese in any modern context [Having said that, I would like to voice the opinion that actor Henry Winkler has definitely maintained his cool, as seen in his hilarious work on “Arrested Development”].

I recently joined Facebook, the latest “it” social network online. It’s got some interesting differences and similarities with Myspace, and I decided, ‘what the heck?’ ‘cause you can’t have too many forums for self-promotion and expression (although you can certainly have too many login id codes and passwords, but that’s another story).

Even though I was happy to join, I was disturbed when a fellow comic told me of how he experienced the extent to which Facebook is the hippest network out there. He had finished a show for a high school audience and was talking to fans after the show. He said that when he told them he was on Myspace, not Facebook, there was a palpable disappointment and subsequent lack of interest in him. This is one of the most up-to-date guys I know, and yet he said at that moment he had never felt so “uncool”.

I guess it’s a testament to how out of touch I continue to be that I still scratch my head at this sort of thing. Just ‘cause to me, getting judged by your choice of chatroom makes about as much sense as getting judged by your favorite brand of protractor. Can’t we just say we’re all nerds for using this stuff and leave it at that? We’re talking about computers, for crying out loud! Seems not long ago, admitting you made “friends” on the internet was met with a healthy heaping of ridicule and ostracism. Now it’s a badge of honour! Frankly, this whole cyber-hierarchy seems to bring in an element of clique-fueled popularity that makes me uncomfortable. If you’re the judgmental sort, turn off the computer and go outside. Find like-minded cool kids and engage in unsafe sex, gang violence, or just wedgie the first honor student you catch exiting the library. Leave the worldwide web for the socially inept and the sexually deviant to graze in peace, far from the fickle eyes of fashion-fascists and neo-trendoids.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to my Comic Buyers’ Guide Heroes Message Board. Someone posted that Captain Kirk would out-think Batman in a Kobayashi Moru scenario. What a loser.

Will I tear that nerf-herder a new sarlac? Correct-a-mundo!