VIEW ALL OF DAVID’S BLACK FRIENDS
I got to take a ride with a racist a while back. I was on the orange line, just passing the Berri station which gets lots of oncoming traffic from commuters switching from the other lines. A sixty-something white lady came on with a thirty- or forty-something black lady, and they seemed to be arguing as they came on. It seemed like the older lady was complaining about where the other one was sitting, like she took the seat that older lady, whom I will refer to as “Batshit” henceforth, had wanted to sit in. In any case the black lady, who spoke with a sort of Trinidad island-type accent, waved Batshit away, clearly not wanting to continue the argument. Well, Batshit didn’t care for that dismissal at all and started really chastising the Island Lady. Then out of nowhere, she punctuated her tongue-lashing with this statement:
“I have lots of black friends!”
I’m still not sure exactly what they had been arguing about, but whatever it was, that made it worse. I won’t go into detail about what followed except that pretty soon everyone on the metro was laughing at Batshit, including Island Lady, and while BS didn’t wheel out any overt racial slurs, she spoke to her critics with the condescension and hostility that flags the obsolete ignorance you’d expect from someone who might blurt, “I have lots of black friends!”
It’s hard to think of another phrase that, while benign in its words, spins a faster 180 in terms of the message it sends. Saying “I have lots of black friends!” to a black person is pretty much like saying “I don’t have a bomb!” to airport security. Better to let people make the assumption, ‘cause when you say it out loud…something’s going up someone’s ass.
It’s kind of a shame the phrase can’t bring on the warm-fuzzies its words try to suggest. Of course, the reason it doesn’t is that as soon as you attach an ethnic label to your friends, you are hinting that those friends are “special” or “different” from the other “normal” ones. Plus there’s an implied waiving of a person’s individuality when people say it in the context that Batshit did. “You can’t criticize me because your Nubian brothers and sisters have given me the thumbs-up. And you people have to stick together.” So that’s partly why the phrase does the opposite of its intended goal.
It does make me wonder: is there ever a good time to announce you’ve got black friends? In today’s PC climate, it sort of seems like a Catch 22 situation (I’m in the middle of the book right now so it’s a bit on my mind). I imagine polling a random sample of Caucasians asking how many black friends they have: if they know the exact answer, THEY’RE RACIST, categorizing people in racial columns like species of fruit flies and such, for shame. If they don’t know the exact answer because they don’t count black friends, THEY’RE RACIST, admitting that black friends don’t count, double-standard upholding bastards, where do they get off? If they have no black friends, well, shame on them for knowing the exact number, but at least they’re not demeaning people of colour by keeping lists.
Obviously there’s no inherent sin in knowing how many black friends, or gay friends, or bigoted friends that one might have. Go ahead and count them. No one ever needs to know you did. Off the top of my head I have several. None of them have been to my house, but, hey, that’s a whole sub-category and besides what am I on trial we shouldn’t even be counting in the first place why is everyone so superficial?
I guess the underlying sentiment is that people should be seen as people, and not numbers, statistics or badges of open-mindedness. Which is why I’m equally proud of all my (at this writing) 155 friends on Myspace, who are not mere candid digitized photos of people that (in many cases) I will never meet, but rather individuals to be respected for who they are as human beings.
Except for the friends that are bands, clubs, and other faceless organizations, of which I have…actually I don’t know how many. I’ve never counted them. ‘Cause that would be wrong.
I got to take a ride with a racist a while back. I was on the orange line, just passing the Berri station which gets lots of oncoming traffic from commuters switching from the other lines. A sixty-something white lady came on with a thirty- or forty-something black lady, and they seemed to be arguing as they came on. It seemed like the older lady was complaining about where the other one was sitting, like she took the seat that older lady, whom I will refer to as “Batshit” henceforth, had wanted to sit in. In any case the black lady, who spoke with a sort of Trinidad island-type accent, waved Batshit away, clearly not wanting to continue the argument. Well, Batshit didn’t care for that dismissal at all and started really chastising the Island Lady. Then out of nowhere, she punctuated her tongue-lashing with this statement:
“I have lots of black friends!”
I’m still not sure exactly what they had been arguing about, but whatever it was, that made it worse. I won’t go into detail about what followed except that pretty soon everyone on the metro was laughing at Batshit, including Island Lady, and while BS didn’t wheel out any overt racial slurs, she spoke to her critics with the condescension and hostility that flags the obsolete ignorance you’d expect from someone who might blurt, “I have lots of black friends!”
It’s hard to think of another phrase that, while benign in its words, spins a faster 180 in terms of the message it sends. Saying “I have lots of black friends!” to a black person is pretty much like saying “I don’t have a bomb!” to airport security. Better to let people make the assumption, ‘cause when you say it out loud…something’s going up someone’s ass.
It’s kind of a shame the phrase can’t bring on the warm-fuzzies its words try to suggest. Of course, the reason it doesn’t is that as soon as you attach an ethnic label to your friends, you are hinting that those friends are “special” or “different” from the other “normal” ones. Plus there’s an implied waiving of a person’s individuality when people say it in the context that Batshit did. “You can’t criticize me because your Nubian brothers and sisters have given me the thumbs-up. And you people have to stick together.” So that’s partly why the phrase does the opposite of its intended goal.
It does make me wonder: is there ever a good time to announce you’ve got black friends? In today’s PC climate, it sort of seems like a Catch 22 situation (I’m in the middle of the book right now so it’s a bit on my mind). I imagine polling a random sample of Caucasians asking how many black friends they have: if they know the exact answer, THEY’RE RACIST, categorizing people in racial columns like species of fruit flies and such, for shame. If they don’t know the exact answer because they don’t count black friends, THEY’RE RACIST, admitting that black friends don’t count, double-standard upholding bastards, where do they get off? If they have no black friends, well, shame on them for knowing the exact number, but at least they’re not demeaning people of colour by keeping lists.
Obviously there’s no inherent sin in knowing how many black friends, or gay friends, or bigoted friends that one might have. Go ahead and count them. No one ever needs to know you did. Off the top of my head I have several. None of them have been to my house, but, hey, that’s a whole sub-category and besides what am I on trial we shouldn’t even be counting in the first place why is everyone so superficial?
I guess the underlying sentiment is that people should be seen as people, and not numbers, statistics or badges of open-mindedness. Which is why I’m equally proud of all my (at this writing) 155 friends on Myspace, who are not mere candid digitized photos of people that (in many cases) I will never meet, but rather individuals to be respected for who they are as human beings.
Except for the friends that are bands, clubs, and other faceless organizations, of which I have…actually I don’t know how many. I’ve never counted them. ‘Cause that would be wrong.
posted by David Pryde at 4:51 PM
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